Where does anger come from?

Anger is an emotion. It stems from issues in your past that are both unresolved and unforgiven!  These feelings are buried deep down inside you and cause you emotional and physical harm.Anger comes from a past environment of confusion, chaos and lack of communication between family members. If you have seen your parents become angry, on a regular basis, you will perceive this behaviour as normal and are more likely to adopt the same method of inter-action yourself.Anger is a habit that is rooted in our sub-conscious mind.  It is a formed pattern of behaviour that is firmly established.   A pattern of behaviour/ habit can be changed.  Anger is based in your own fear and insecurities and a belief that you are, or have been wronged.

Anger (healthy)

It is important to understand that there is a positive side to anger. Healthy anger is part of the basic belief system that stems from a high frustration tolerance level.  Anger used in its positive sense provides us with the drive to attempt and accomplish difficult tasks we perceive as threatening or unattainable/out of our reach. It motivates us to push ourselves that extra mile in order to achieve the unachievable!   Positive anger is an essential element in our lives. Without it we are lethargic, hopeless, unmotivated and negative.  Positive anger gives us the energy to tackle situations/obstacles/opportunities that are challenging. It allows us to expand our boundaries and take risks.  

Healthy anger stems from a set of healthy beliefs:

Passion                                  Accountable                      Competence

Drive                                     Honesty                             Adequacy

Enthusiasm                            Dependability                   Intuition

Energy                                   Loyalty                             Perception

Responsible                           Lovable                            Confident

Respectful                             Equality                            Assertive

Anger (unhealthy)

Is part of the belief system that stems from a low frustration tolerance level.  Therefore, when faced with any situation that you are unable to understand or deal with, you resort to anger.  When you resort to anger you are actively engaging in threatening and/or frightening people in order to push them away, and not engage in the conversation or set of circumstances that presents intself. You do this because you are unable to participate in healthy discussions that you cannot control.

 Unhealthy anger stems from a set of unhealthy beliefs:

A need to control                    Rejection                         Lethargy

A dislike of criticism                Failure                             Hopelessness

Resentment                             Intimacy                          Unmotivated

Jealousy                                  Incompetence                  Unintuitive

Envy                                       Inadequacy                      Unperceptive

Fear                                       Lack of education

10 Steps on how we use unhealthy anger

     ·        To get our own way

·        To sabotage ourselves and others

·        To frighten someone into submission

·        To control people, situations and outcomes

·        To shift blame from ourselves

·        To show disrespect

·        To criticise

·        To intimidate

·        To victimise

·        To bully