Victimise:
To victimise someone is to persecute them! To victimise someone is to pester them!
Slow and deliberate pestering can wear an individual down into an anxious/depressive state of mind. Pestering (nagging) is to persistently annoy someone into surrender. When persecuting/victimising someone you are subjecting them to harassment designed to injure, grieve and afflict.(Merriam-Webster)
Example of being victimised:
The same lady I have referred to earlier ( step 8 Intimidation), told me that she had tried, very hard, to mend her broken marriage with her husband. When they had separated she had moved out of the family home with her children and moved back to her mother's home nearby. The couple were in touch, daily, and he visited her mothers home every weekend to spend quality time with his children. The break-up, was eventually, accepted by both parties and they were both eager that the children would not suffer unduly by the split. During this time, on the weekend visits, they continued sleeping together and generally behaving as if they were still in a marriage. My patient was happy with this situation, as was her husband, as she wanted to reconcile with her him and give the marriage a second chance. He gave her all the signs that this is what he wanted also. This situation was to continue for some 18 months, and as time moved on, this lady slowly realised that she had become a victim, once again, of her husband's controlling behaviour. The weekend would begin with her welcoming him into her mum's home on a Friday evening with a hearty meal, wine and the warmth of a loving family atmosphere. The following day he would take the children on a day trip and she would never know whether she would be invited to tag along. She always was invited eventually, but the question always hung in the air until the last possible moment when he, grudgingly, agreed to her coming along usually after a request from one of the children. Control! It was dawning on her, that even when they had lived together, permanently, her views had never been taken into consideration. Indeed she told me that when the family would embark on a day trip, she would not be allowed to suggest a place to visit. If she volunteered an opinion he would say quite curtly, no-one is interested in where you want to go, your opinion in unimportant.
She also recalled being told, whilst taking their newly born baby for a walk in the pram, to keep her head down, as she walked along the road, as she was offending passers-by because she was so ugly. Victimising. During the years she was married to him he had brainwashed her into believing that she was not up to much and lucky to have met and married him. Slow and persistent victimisation had reduced her to believing she could make nothing of herself and her life and was, therefore, privileged and grateful to have him. Until, of course, 'the worm turned' and the couple finally divorced.
Negative responses to being victimised:
Be at someone's mercy
Smiling when you want to cry
Pretending that everything is all-right
Tip-toeing around someone all the time (treading egg shells)
Doing their bidding no matter the consequences to yourself
Give-up on yourself
Become non-descript
Low self-esteem
Blocking out your emotions
Being unloved
Flat-lining!
Positive responses on how to deal with victimisation:
Take control
Don't be afraid to show your feelings, learn when it is appropriate to do this
Encourage open discussions, to enable you both to have a better understanding of each other
Realise you are never going to get it right so stop trying
Be reasonable, flexible and fair in your responses but know when enough is enough (you will know when this happens by the feeling in your gut that screams stop)
Treat yourself kindly
Realise how much you have achieved
Don't be afraid to recognise your needs, wants and desires you have a right to them
Accept that you can't have it all but make sure you get some
Take charge of you and know that any change you want to achieve in your life is up to you