10 Step Book Series

Lazy Men in relationships:

Men, who are lazy are, usually, too comfortable in their relationships. They have worn themselves out in their attempt to ‘get you.’ They probably feel they have ‘done their bit’ at the onset of a relationship, and will happily sit back and bathe in the emotional nurturing that you are giving them. What do they expect in a relationship?

• They expect you to do stuff for them (cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, etc.)

• They expect an easy life

• They do not expect to work hard outside their professional working life

• They have been spoilt by someone (mother, previous partner) and expect the same ‘coddling’ from you

• Men expect to stay as they are and are not prepared change their ways

• They expect you to be grateful you have them

• They want their own way

• They want to control the household from the armchair

• They expect, and believe, they have power (the power you give them)

• They are masters at supervising you

• They are masters at giving orders

• They make you feel inferior if you can’t manage to do it all

• They want you to cater to their every need

• They do not expect to be challenged by you

This is a typical list that I am sure you can add too!

Why are they lazy? Because, you allow them to be! You have given them the power to be the way they are, or at least to stay the way they are. It’s too easy to blame their mothers and their past relationships for the way they are.

Too much time is spent on the ‘blame culture trail.’ It may be necessary for some people to look back in an attempt to find out why they behave the way they do or perhaps, to make excuses for their present state. Looking back is fruitless in the long term because you are not heading that way are you? If you concentrate on the ‘now’ then you have to accept that the lazy person in your life is now an adult with a mind of his own and has the choice and the freedom to change his thinking patterns and his ways. However, why would he want to change his ways if he is getting everything done for him?

What amazes me is that, during early courtship, most people are caught up in the notion, and belief, that their new man can do anything and everything. Indeed, throughout the courtship their man may have been proactive and keen to show his skills. The change comes after the ring goes on the finger! Sad, isn’t it that these men believe, that once they have got you, they don’t have to continue the effort to keep you.

Ask yourself:

• Did you both put down ground rules for your relationship?

• Did you discuss role and responsibilities?

• Did you just assume that he would be responsible and accountable?

• Did you expect your ‘happy bubble’ to burst?

• Did you expect him to care and share?

How can you change?

Don’t put off ‘till tomorrow what you can do today!’

If you are interested in the task then you will be less likely to ‘put it off.’ When you eventually do the task, (and you will do it sometime), it will be at the very last minute and you will, probably, only catch the deadline in the nick of time. Generally it has been established that you procrastinate in three areas:

• Personal

• Self-development

• Commitments

Personal:

This covers a wide area, which includes health, cleanliness, financial affairs, domestic environment (cleaning, etc.) work.

Self-development:

Procrastinating in this area of your life is indicative of a mild depression or an anxious state. You don’t feel you are able to accept new interests and challenges. Your self-esteem and self-confidence has been eroded, and any task presented to you, you believe would be rejected and unacceptable, because you fear the outcome. You are scared of failing in the task. You don’t want to look stupid!

Commitments:

If you have made a commitment to do something for someone else, you will put it off in the misguided hope that the person you have promised, will forget about it! Instead, you should be as good as your word and complete the task as promised.

Everyone procrastinates sometimes! You tell yourself, with conviction, that you will do the task later. Thereby, avoiding doing the task now. The difference between procrastination and laziness is that when you procrastinate, the task to be accomplished, weighs heavily on your mind causing you to become stressed, and eventually you will come around to doing the task so that you can get it off your mind. Laziness on the other hand is not giving a damn about completing the task ever!

Procrastination is no more that a very bad habit or routine. It can be overturned! Your inner dialogue (this is the self-talk and mind-chatter we all do in our mind), is programmed this way, due to experiences you have had in the past, that have been difficult to deal with.

In order to overturn procrastination you need to do the following:

• Change your inner dialogue from negative ‘I will do it later,’ to a positive dialogue, ‘I will do it now.’

• Practice your new dialogue until it comes into your mind easily

• Know when you are procrastinating

• Keep a journal of all the things that you ‘put off’ on a regular basis. If you know what they, then you could ask for help in doing the task until you feel able to do it alone

• Make a short-term plan of your commitments and write down when you are going to attack them

There might be a tendency to ‘give up’ and to continue procrastinating. Ask yourself why you are doing this? Is it because it’s easier for you? If this is so, it is not a good enough reason – as it clearly identifies that you are opting out of responsibility. Your life will be richer and far more satisfying if you teach yourself to stop procrastinating and start accepting challenges. This will improve your self-esteem, self-image, self-confidence, self-respect. It will also affect the way you are perceived by others in a positive way.