Are you in the Waiting Room of Life?

Are you waiting for life to happen to you? Do you feel that you are sitting in a waiting room and that in the next room you can see through the window where true life is being experienced by other people? Do you want to enter that room but don’t know how to get in–can’t find the key? If you found the key, you believe that with your luck, the key would probably get stuck in the lock or break into two. Many people experience these negative thoughts. Continually thinking in this way will result in you becoming exhausted, bored, lethargic and having no interest in life generally. Negative thinking can also cause depression and anxiety. If you think in this way you will remain in the ‘waiting room of life’ forever.

If you want to live a fulfilling life you have to set about creating it.

Here are three steps on how you can achieve this:

• The first step is to think about what you really want for yourself in your life.

• The second step is to think about what you need to change about yourself and your circumstances in order to get what you want.

• The third step is to create a plan, complete with identified targets set along the way to enable you to achieve your ultimate goal. Make sure your targets and goal are realistic and achievable.

Ask yourself, ‘do you feel energised and excited by this thought? If you do, perhaps this is an indication that the time has come to put these thoughts into action!

Don’t expect anything from anyone else

You will only be disappointed if you have high expectations of your partner or other people. Ask yourself, ‘are you always ready to blame your partner, or other people, for not making you happy, for not giving you the love and the life you want, for not providing you with a comfortable existence? If you are guilty of doing this then you are a behaving like a ‘victim and a poor me’.

If you place the burden of responsibility on to your partner or someone else to provide you with the life you want you are putting this person under considerable pressure, (albeit unintentionally), to give you what you want. Why do you do this? You do it because you don’t believe you are capable of providing these things for yourself. I have had these thoughts myself. I didn’t believe in myself. I believed that my career and my life, as I knew it, was over. I was convinced that I was on the rubbish heap and I felt that I was powerless to change the course of my future. Up to that point I had a successful career and a loving family but I, unconsciously, brainwashed myself into believing that I was incapable of accomplishing anything for myself and that I was just lucky to have these things in my life. I had no self-worth or self-confidence. I had no faith in my ability to give myself what I needed and wanted. I accepted these labels I gave myself, and they hung, heavily, over my head. I opted out of responsibility and accountability. I felt overwhelming gratitude, to my partner, for continuing to provide me with a good quality of life through his effort and endeavours. I didn’t realise, during the time this was happening, that the perception I had of myself was due to my own repeating negative thought patterns that drip-fed me by repeating negative statements that resulted in me giving up being responsible for myself and consequently shifting the responsibility to my partner to take total control over me and my life.

We must all think for ourselves and not put the responsibility for your happiness on another person. Live by the motto, “If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.”

What if this is as good as it gets?

You may recognise the words ‘As good as it gets’, it’s the name of a film starring Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt - an ‘Academy Award Winner’.

When I saw the film and heard that particular line it struck a cord in me. I applied the line to my own life. What if this is as good as it gets? A sobering thought if life hasn’t turned out the way you had hoped it would.

We all have preconceived ideas of what we expect from life. Our expectations are usually full of perfect scenarios with a variety of exciting experiences that all have satisfactory outcomes. In our dreams we believe our life will be ‘happy ever after’. Look around you, how many people do you know that live ‘happy ever after’ lives? I don’t know of any.

We all compromise, adapt, blend in, and put up with stuff. We all face problems and difficulties at some stage and on all levels of life whether it is personal or professional. Some people are better at hiding their thoughts and feelings than others. Some people are better at coping with their particular circumstances. But be assured that everyone has their share of personal problems.

Have you ever thought that somebody else is leading the life you’d love?

Have you ever said to yourself, ‘I’ll have whatever they are ordering?’

A saying I once read is:

‘We must believe in luck, for how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like’ – Jean Cocteau!

Life for us all is difficult. Take a look at your own life. What if this is as good as your life is going to get? Are you happy with it? Are you satisfied with your lot? If the answer to the question is, yes, that’s great you don’t need to search further or get any help – well done! If the answer is no then perhaps you are ready to explore why you are unhappy and dissatisfied with your life as it is.

You can turn your life around by looking at yourself and changing the pattern of your thoughts and behaviour that you have been repeating all your life. In order to live the life you want, you have to reinvent it. You can do this. You can transform your life.

• By changing yourself you can become the person you want to be

• By changing yourself you will change the way you perceive yourself and you will also change the way you perceive others you come into contact with.

• By changing yourself you will make all things possible

The mind has two major parts: the conscious and the unconscious. The conscious mind is the bit you use to think through a problem. The unconscious is where your feelings, beliefs and memories live, and this part of your mind does not use logic – it ‘thinks’ symbolically. The unconscious is much the bigger part.

Here is an example:

You eat too much because you enjoy it, even though you know it’s bad for you.

You don’t do the work you should be doing because there’s something else you

enjoy doing more.

You want the new job and the extra money, but you don’t believe you are ready

for the responsibility, etc

There is a logical reason for doing something – but you don’t believe you can do it and you can’t be bothered to try.

What you think, determines how you feel. Understanding this connection will be central to your success at changing yourself. The basic truth is that your feelings, good or bad, are the product of your own thoughts. You have to think about something before you feel it.

Henry Ford said: ‘If you think you can’t, you are probably right!

In order to make a positive change to the negative thought patterns you have been repeating in your life up to this point you cannot, and must not, see yourself as powerless. Recognise that by continuing to think that you are powerless you are hanging on to your old negative thought pattern and this thought will totally disable you. If you see yourself as powerless, you are denying yourself the enjoyment of obtaining the power that is rightfully yours.

If you think you don’t have power in the situation you are in, try this exercise:

• What would be three ways in which you could make your situation worse?

• If you can answer this question, and I am sure that you can, then maybe there are three ways in which you can make it better.

• Write down three ways in which you can make your life better. Be courageous and think outside the box. Make your dreams a reality.

In order to empower yourself you need to understand that your thinking and your belief system must be uncluttered, clear and positive. Effort and struggle are all signs that you are fighting with yourself–at cross purposes with your own deeply held belief system.

Remember that your mind is the control centre of your behaviour, and your behaviour is what determines who you are, how you behave and what you accomplish.

The first thing to do if you decide you want to change your pattern of behaviour is to:

• Take responsibility for where you are now

• Don’t blame yourself for everything that’s gone wrong in your life. Indulging in this thought process can only lead to feelings of regrets and if only’s. These are the thoughts that have brought you to this point in your life. They are negative thoughts and have the consequence of disempowering you and draining you of energy. In other words you need your batteries charged and filled with to capacity with energy to change yourself.

By adopting this strategy you can change your life for the better. Expect set-backs but don’t give up on yourself.