'Stop Being Pushed Around: A Practical Guide'
Published November, 2007, by Loving Healing Press.
Are you being pushed around or are you the one that pushes your partner around? If you can answer yes to one of these questions this book is for you.
This book will help you to understand the thinking process that has taken place that has led you to being pushed around and will assist you in transferring from the role of being pushed around to having control of your own life. This book will enable you to do this by clearly identifying how you became someone who can be pushed around and how you can change your thinking and behavior patterns in order to embrace having control of your own life.
If you are being pushed around or living with someone who controls you, you will know that to have a relationship with this person, or to partner someone with this persona, is hard work and an uphill struggle in that it drains you of energy and places responsibility and accountability on to one person in the partnership, the controller. The relationship that exists for you at the present time is a difficult one because one of you is negative and absolves themselves of all in-put whether it is emotional or physical.
By reading this book, and adopting the strategy to change your role, you will experience the highs and lows of changing yourself. It is necessary, but difficult, to relive the past in order to find out how why you became a person who can be pushed around in the first instance but the reward at the end of this process will have been worth your effort as you release this negative role and change to taking charge and being in control of your own life.
This book will look at the role of ‘victim’ in adult marriage/partnership relationships and identify how to change the role from ‘victim’ to ‘survivor’.
Here are some examples of the behavior and thinking of a ‘victim’.
1. A ‘victim’ is someone who believes they have no control of their life
2. A ‘victim’ believes that he/she can do nothing right
3. A ‘victim’ believes that no-one really cares for them
4. A ‘victim’ is always negative
5. A ‘victim’ is waiting for someone to rescue them
6. A ‘victim’ puts pressure on their partner to make everything all-right for them
7. A ‘victim’ opts out of life
8. A ‘victim’ is fearful
9. A ‘victim’ is insecure
10. A ‘victim’ is usually depressed or anxious
11. A ‘victim’ feels under constant threat of something bad happening
12. A ‘victim’ sabotages positive thinking and behavior
13. A ‘victim’ is distrustful
14. A ‘victim’ waits for disasters to occur
15. A ‘victim’ will have emotional problems
16. A ‘victim’ may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape
17. A ‘victim’ will be isolated from friends and family
18. A ‘victim’ will withdraw from real life
A ‘victim’ in a marriage/partnership relationship sucks and drinks the energy of his/her partner. A ‘victim’ is a ‘bloodsucker’ draining his/her partner of energy, enthusiasm and drive. The ‘victim’ is negative and/or can’t be bothered to do anything constructive for themselves so they rely on a partner or anyone else to give them what they want, at any cost. He/she will surrender control of his/her life over to their partner in the hope that their partner will make everything all right. Being a ‘victim’ requires hard work on his/her part to stay the same in order to ensure that there is no change to their life. There is, and will not be any progression out of the ‘victim’ state until his/her partner stops doing things for them. A ‘victim’ has taken a long time to be this way and will be extremely reluctant to surrender his/her role. If you are living with a ‘victim’ or are a ‘victim’ yourself you will know that by opting out of responsibility and accountability you are, in effect, the controller of the relationship, albeit a negative controller.
To victimise someone is to persecute them. To victimise someone is to ‘pester’ them.
Slow and deliberate pestering can wear an individual down into an anxious/depressive state of mind. Pestering (nagging) is to persistently annoy someone into surrender. “When persecuting/victimising someone you are subjecting them to harassment designed to injure, grieve and afflict.”(Merriam-Webster)